Who am I? Awareness from the subconscious through drawing -Women's Circle a series of 7 meetings!

Inspirational quote against the backdrop of a sunset with scattered golden speckles on "Stop Gronówka". The text talks about the impact of internal change on the surrounding reality.

Recently, on the occasion of singing and playing carols together on the occasion of Epiphany, someone told me that I was the new organist - this is because, quite unexpectedly, I played the organ inherited from my grandfather (for the first time in my life, rather curtly, but it's something different from the piano). Of course, I am not an organist, but at that moment I was in that role - organist. And that someone recognized me in that role stroked my ego nicely, and yet I can make a sound from that organ....

But perhaps it's worth taking a moment to consider the question: who am I really?

I still remember, as a little girl, asking myself: why am I "me" and not someone else? As a little girl, maybe eight years old, I obviously could not find the answer to the question: why am I "me"? The question kept coming back, and sometimes I felt like going crazy from the (po)weight of the question. Then I quickly shifted my thoughts to something else.

40 years later

Now, forty years later, when I'm a big adult, this question still intrigues me immensely. And especially when someone tells me who I am - such as a new organist or coach. I know I'm a little weird about this because I've noticed that not everyone is interested in this question. And I can't blame other people for not being interested because getting an answer to the question, "Who am I anyway?" is obviously very difficult.

I still think the answer to this question is very elusive. I'm even beginning to suspect that I will never be able to determine it accurately. Although, of course, I hope so... and I think it's worth it....

Instead of "Who am I?" - "Who am I NOT?"

To make it a little easier for me, I reversed the question. Instead of looking for the answer to "Who am I?" I changed the question to "Who, at least, am I NOT?" And I actually found a lot of answers there.

For example, I am not my body. My body is an instrument with which I can "experience." Also, I am not my emotions. Sometimes it may seem that way, in all its intensity, but it's not true. At least not in my opinion.

Moreover, I am not all the roles I play. Partner, mother, child, sister, coach, friend, acquaintance and so on. I fulfil them, but I am NOT them.

After all, I am not my thoughts either. The realization that you are not your thoughts is essential in the process of becoming mindful. After all, once we realize that we are not our thoughts, we can influence them, and this is extremely liberating. See more Esther and Jerry Hicks "The Law of Attraction." Then we can choose what we think.

Ok, this may sound vague to some. Just some examples to give more substance. Examples where I want to show that you are not your body, emotions or thoughts, but that these are different levels that you can identify with.

Identification with your body

Identificatie met het lichaam is iets wat jonge kinderen doen. Als we een peuter vragen wie hij is, zal hij waarschijnlijk eerst zijn naam zeggen en dan beschrijven hoe hij eruitziet.

I am Peter. I'm 6 years old, with blonde hair, green eyes and rather large feet.

Adults can also identify with their bodies. This can be done, for example, by a person who is very overweight. When this man or woman is asked how he or she feels, he or she may shrug his or her shoulders, point to his or her body and say "how do you think I am?" In other words, I hate my body, so I AM terrible.

Identification with your emotions

Almost all of us identify with our emotions. One more than another, but until we realize that we are not our emotions, we fully agree.

For example, we say: I AM angry, I AM sad, I AM happy. Something is wrong, because emotions are transient. Therefore, it is much more accurate to say: I FEEL angry, I FEEL sad, I FEEL happy.

It is also a great option for people who are afraid of failure. When they find themselves in this frightening emotion, they will fully identify with it. At that moment, they ARE that fear, even though they absolutely are not.

Once they realize that it is not fear what they are and that this feeling will pass, there is a good chance that the sharp edges will fall off, and the first cracks will already appear in the monster called fear even before it fails.

Identification with their roles

Every person plays many roles throughout life. In each role he shows a different part of himself. In each role, we "tune in" to what is (unconsciously) expected of us by our environment. Role models we have been taught.

Some people take their role very seriously and derive their right to exist from it. When that role disappears, they can fall into an identity crisis.

For example, there are mothers who believe that "being a mother" is who they are. To some extent, of course, this is true. Once one becomes a mother, one can never "not be a mother" again. This is the case regardless of whether or not our children are still living at home, whether or not we have contact with them, and even regardless of whether or not our children are (still) alive. The same goes for being a child forever. Regardless of how old we are and whether our parents are still alive.

But the moment we fully identify with the role of mother, we fall into a black hole when our children leave home. Because what if, as a mother, we can no longer be a mother? What will be left of us then?

Now I'm talking about the role of a mother, but this applies to any role. For example, also for a successful entrepreneur with millions in the bank who suddenly bankrupt(ed). Who is this man or woman without this role?

What I'm trying to say is that it's important to recognize that we play all the roles and that we are not them.

A collage depicting a sunrise, abstract shapes and a silhouette of a human being against a background of water, with quotes about changing perspectives, reflecting the 'Grapevine Stop' philosophy on artecoaching and personal development.

Identification with your thoughts

I think there are many people who, when asked if these are their thoughts, answer in the affirmative. And this is actually crazy because in that case, we believe everything, we think.

We believe the stories we tell ourselves, with all the consequences (read: feelings) that come with it. Guilt, shame, anger, frustration and the eternal whiplash we use when we think we've done something wrong. I am reminded here of the priest's sermon at the last mass....

But who actually decides what is good and what is evil? Does good or evil actually exist? OK, that's another discussion. Let's go back and find out. Here are some examples that we probably recognize:

  • I have to be interested in others, otherwise they won't like me.
  • I panicked again in front of my children, so I'm a bad mother.
  • I am not allowed to rest until all the laundry is cleaned, folded and ironed in the closet.
  • Once again, I gave my son the wrong soccer shoes. What will other parents think?
  • I forgot that the kids are off from school again, I'm so chaotic.
  • I really need to lose three kilograms; otherwise they won't consider me beautiful.
  • Oh crap, I forgot my grandmother's birthday, what a pathetic grandson I am.
  • I don't have the courage to say what I really think, I'm a coward.

Well, I could go on listing like this, but I think it's enough. These are all stories we tell ourselves and, unfortunately, we usually believe them. The result: poor self-confidence and low self-esteem.


If we are not our thoughts, the question remains, who keeps us busy all day telling stories, drawing conclusions, judging and driving us/ourselves into the ground. Well, my dear friends, that is your EGO.

Ego doesn't just tell us negative things. Ego also tells us that we have done well or that we are better than someone else.

The big difference with negative messages is that positive messages have a positive impact on our self-image. Negative stories, therefore, have a negative impact on our self-image.

This is due to EGO

To give the ego the recognition it deserves: we need the ego to do something. To create, to move forward, and to do all the beautiful things we do in this life.

The ego consists of our personal stories, fears, desires, emotions, thoughts and character traits. Ego is socially and psychologically essential, and we develop it from an early age.

The trick is not to identify completely with your ego as an adult. Though, more about that some other time.

Illustration of a butterfly with a message about ego and soul from "Stop of the Grapevine". Beautiful glittering butterfly wings in shades of blue and gray on a watercolour background, with thoughts of peace and inner harmony.

What happens when we wake up?

When you wake up and realize that you are not your ego, you will be able to look at your ego more often from a position of observation - recognition. In doing so, you stop identifying with your body, emotions, roles and thoughts.

From this observational position, we will be able to see and say to ourselves that we are more than just our body. That we are not our emotions, but we feel them. We can even see that before these emotions, there was a thought that triggered a particular emotion (I'm not good enough/beautiful/cute/smart/patient, etc.).

Recognition Perspective

Here is an example showing how awakening works for one's ego: How about asking a goldfish if it knows what water is? It would most likely look at us with glassy eyes. For this goldfish, water is the habitat of life, and it knows nothing better than that there is water. It simply IS. The fish in question would also not realize that it is "wet." She knows no other state than "wet."

Only when the same fish rises above the surface of the water, for example, when cleaning the aquarium, will it know that there is something other than water. It can immediately assume the position of an observer and thus gain a broader perspective.

When she returned to the water, she was grateful to be back in her aquarium. Before this experience, she had no idea that she was in an aquarium with water at all, and that this water kept her alive.

So from the position of an observer, in a very unpleasant situation or a situation where we are very tense, we can create more space for ourselves to distance ourselves and see that it will pass.

Consciousness - Subconsciousness

This proposition of perception is also called AWARENESS of recognition. AWARENESS is something intangible and incomprehensible. And yet, in my opinion, ultimately that is what we are in an exchange with the subconscious. At least that's how I think about it now. This is already getting very philosophical and complicated, so I'll stop there for now.

My goal in this article is first and foremost to awaken you so that you realize that you are not your thoughts or the role in which you operate. Once you realize this, the world will look much brighter and more pleasant.

Do you want to become more aware of yourself? Do you also want to learn how you can look at yourself as an observer more often and thus influence your negative thoughts and insecurities?

I invite you to the first author's Women's Circle to awaken consciousness by working with the subconscious using the hands in drawing and the body in grounding.

I am offering a series of 7 meetings of 2.5 hours at the Atelieeer Przystanek Gronówka with tea and vegetarian snacks along with a whole range of tools for self-discovery through art each time on the new moon. The energy of the new moon equals new beginnings and is ideal for "sowing." The new moon symbolizes rebirth and transformation. A good time to feel what new creations you want to bring into the world and make plans.

Proposed dates and times: 5:00-7:30 pmMeeting no.

See you there!


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